September 16, 2019
What did you edit out of your most recent book? (or another book…let’s see those outtakes!)
I didn’t expect much from the two smaller bedrooms, so I wasn’t disappointed by the plain, utilitarian beds. Those rooms would come to life with the right accessories, a floral bedcover in one and stripes in the other. What I wanted to see was the master bedroom. We’d torn out a wall to combine two rooms into one and make it more of a suite. That had been Jake’s idea, back before his arrest.
The first things that caught my eye were the intricately carved wooden headboard and footboard. Truthfully, there was no way not to see them. The king size bed and matching nightstands dominated the space. Two upholstered chairs graced one corner of the room and an empty bookshelf was placed nearby. Two dressers, matching the bed, lined a second wall. The room was lit by natural daylight streaming in from the large window. Once we added light brown bed coverings and curtains, it would be just what I’d imagined during construction. Perfect for Eli.
I glanced over to see Jake taking off his shoes. ‘Should we try it out?”
I wanted to, but not with Jake. I frowned.
“Not like that, Angel.” He sprinted across the room and leapt onto the bed, landing with a soft thud, barely bouncing as he hit.
It looked tempting. But I’d been cleaning most of the day and hadn’t changed my clothes. I wasn’t going to get Eli’s mattress dirty before he had a chance to use it. But to placate Jake, I walked over and pushed on the bottom edge. My hand sank into the surface and stopped at the perfect depth and I imagined how it would feel if I let it support my whole body. I need to upgrade my own mattress.
“When are you moving?” Jake asked, catching me off-guard.
I had a reviewer mention that Harmony’s relationship with Jake was uncomfortable. My answer was yes, it was supposed to be. And that was after I’d cut the above scene from The Contessa’s Brooch, the fourth book in the Harmony Duprie Mysteries. (By the way, it’s unedited, so you may find errors.)
If you’ve hung around with me for very long, you know I’m a “pantser” when it comes to writing my books, not a plotter. That means I write by the seat of my pants. Which results, on occasion, with me going down the wrong path in my writing. Like in my current work in progress, where I cut over 20,000 words, basically starting over again at the 8000 word mark. (I’m back up to close to 22,000 words now, if you are interested.
It also means I listen to my characters when I write. I’m telling their story. Which also means that sometimes what I plan is wrong. Here’s another outtake, this one from The Baron’s Cufflinks.
“Eli,” I called, “can you see Jake?” The strobe light shone in my direction every few seconds, blinding me on each pass.
I almost missed his answer in the cacophony of sounds. A siren wailed n the distance, adding to the confusion. “No,” he yelled, “not yet.”
Damn it, I’d hoped Jake would be able to jump out of the car as soon as it came to a stop. “Got any other ideas?”
“Not knowing who’s in all these other cars.”
Good point. “I’ve got an idea.” It was silly, but it might give Jake a chance to hop out of the car.
“Be careful.”
Eli knew me better than that. I reached into Dolores, and grabbed my shoes. “Harmony?” Eli asked.
“Going for the surprise factor. Cross your fingers.” I figured the chances of my plan working were low, but I didn’t have another plan.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I stood, in between flashes of the strobe light, and threw my shoe at that dangling hand,. And missed. Then hurled the second shoe at the windshield. And hit the hand instead. But the gun didn’t drop to the ground. Damn it. Well, it had been worth the try. I wasn’t crazy about those shoes anyway.
“Any sign of Jake?” I asked, ducking back down.
Was Eli laughing at me?
While that scene was fun to write, it didn’t work. But I used part of it in the final story.
Harmony isn’t the only one to object to what I’ve planned in my books. Tasha, from Wolves’ Knight, didn’t like what I’d planned for the romantic subplot and let me know it. Here’s a scene I got written before she changed my mind.
He said we. Tasha liked the sound of that. Her rule was fast fading away. “If 
you want to sit for a while, there’s a bench near the top of the waterfall.”
“I’m right behind you.”
The spray of the falling water made the cool air even chillier, and Tasha zipped her coat up part way. The bench was nothing more than a large old log that someone had sliced the bark from to create a flat area. It was low enough to the ground that Jaime had to rearrange his long legs several times to get comfortable. They sat side by side for a long while, not touching, and not saying anything. Yet the silence seemed natural to Tasha.
A patch of sky was visible through the trees, and she was watching the clouds skimming past the stars when a red streak flashed by. She pointed upward “Did you see that?”
“What?” Jaime asked, inclining his head towards hers to see what she was showing him.
“A meteor. It’s gone.” Tasha turned her head to find his barely an inch from hers.
“That’s okay. I found something else to look at,” he murmured. Then he closed the gap between them and lightly pressed his lips to hers.
Surprised, it took her a second to react, and by then he’d pulled away. “Sorry,” he said.
“Don’t apologize. It was nice.” Actually, it had been more than that, but Tasha wasn’t going to tell him. Not yet.
“Just nice?”
One side of her mouth rose. “I don’t know. Let’s see what happens if we do it again.”
This time she was prepared for the meeting of their mouths. And yes, she decided, the second time was definitely better, especially as she had the chance to return the gesture. “Hmm, better,” she said when the kiss ended. Much better. He tasted just like his musk aftershave and his kisses stirred a part of Tasha that she’d neglected too long.
“Practice makes perfect?” he asked with a grin, wrapping one arm around her waist.
“Let’s find out.”
Spoiler alert: This scene didn’t make it into the final edits for a reason—but I won’t share the reason and ruin the fun!
So, yes, I do a lot of cutting while I’m writing my books. In the end, that makes for a stronger story that is more true to my characters. (If you’re interesting in the books I’ve mentioned, start here to find out more: http://www.pjmaclayne.com/
Don’t forget to follow the links below to get outtakes from the other authors on the hop!
September 16, 2019
What did you edit out of your most recent book? (or another book…let’s see those outtakes!)
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An interesting post. I liked the cut out bits you shared. Out of context, I can’t know why they didn’t work but I know I also have to cut out bits so it does make sense to me.
These outtakes were cut for several reasons, the main one being they didn’t add anything to the main plot. The one where Harmony threw her shoes came from a larger scene that got removed from the book because it came too soon for the story and didn’t work when I revised the story. Did you ever see the movie, It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World? The whole scene kinda felt like that!
I’m loving this outtakes conversation. It’s aways cool to me to see the behind the scenes changes.